Stressed-out

I'm just now discovering how much I depend on my stress.

I need it like I need air to breathe. I taught myself that without, I'm not creative, witty, and basically, not me. This week though, it went too far. I could hardly sleep, had a horrible headache and realized that I need air to breathe way more than I do stress.

And I know I've complained about stress before, but I think its finally time to put a stop to it and enjoy my PhD process without sleepless nights. 'All in good time'

On being back home

It's been a full two and a half weeks since I came back, and I've managed to fit quite a bit into it. Jet lag posed the usual problems, but a weekend at the lake fixed them. Who knew early to bed, early to rise made your body adjust to the time changes better and faster?

And I got myself an intern, and no job. And my car broke down and got fixed -with no job. Can you tell that not having a job for the first time in over six years is starting to worry me? -and is also strangely relaxing.

And next week I plan on starting the meetings for my fieldwork, writing a proposal for workshops, asking for money and riding out June. Being home is great, and I like it... but I can't help but miss my bike, my korridor room and the things I've left behind in Umea.

Clouds

I think the world is a harsh place. Its hard, the people are not nice and life never turns out the way you think it will be. Sometimes, we just need a little self-imposed magic, a self-imposed naïve way of thinking that everything will be alright, that there is a rainbow with a big pot of gold at the end of what we are doing.

Maybe I'm doing it wrong, maybe there is no rainbow. Maybe my being naïve is not self imposed at all... but maybe believing or thinking that way that is a good thing. Is that wrong? I know the pitfalls, I know the errors and still I choose to make them, so that I feel happier. Maybe I'm just chasing clouds and are doomed never to catch them.

The thin, pink line

Wearing make-up is complicated business. Eye-shadow is tricky, liner is difficult and gloss is finicky and ends-up doing whatever it wants anyways. To some extent, I think I've pretty much conquered the bunny-slope level of make-up 101 but the great beast was still at large: blush.

You see, blush is hard. Its hard because it goes on a part of your face that's not as clear cut as 'lips' or 'eye-lids'... cheeks take-up everywhere, so where do you color and how intensely do you do so?

So, as I practice my blush-wearing abilities I always keep in mind there's a thin, pink-hue of a line between looking blushing and spring-like and looking like a common street walker.

-For the record, I aim for the former, not the latter!

The Swedish connection

I am firm believer in the influence that the environment has on us. I often wonder how different my life would we if my family had stayed in the US, or if I had been born in a rural little town in Guatemala. Would I still be a sociologist? would I still have this need to be cynical, critical, sarcastic, and a little irreverent? The same also goes for my likes and dislikes... would they be the same? No one knows. I certainly don't.

And so, the lattest influence in my life comes from my brief stint in Sweden. One thing I discovered among the snow, elk and prinsesstarta was the lagom lifestyle. In one way or another, I think I have always strived for balance. However, I never realized how easy it could be until I experienced the quiet, full life that most Swedes enjoy. 

Because of lagom, I am now trying to balance having an active and fulfilling work life and a full, satisfactory private life. I might be stumbling a little bit, but I have to say that turning off the computer at a set time, having time for friends, family and myself has been a great treat. I think that for the first time in my life I can actually say that I know myself and understand more about me as a scientist, a person and a friend than ever before. 

So I will go back to enjoying a work-free Sunday, secure in the knowledge that I am a better person for that. As a note, my next big Swedish import is going to be the fika. Stay tuned for kladdkaka and fun, coming soon!