Thursday, March 3, 2011

Birthday month

January came and left, and February mornings were far to cold in the north of Sweden for me to sit outside and smoke a single, guilty ciggie while day dreaming about what this year will bring. March is here and my birthday is just around the corner. This is a big year (but then again, they all are) and I'm turning 30. I don't quite understand how that happened, or when.

I think about the past and the present, and I like the path I chose to walk. Sometimes, when I'm having fika with my friends and making K cry/chuckle I think about the sad little girl I used to be. When my family calls and says they miss me, I remember that for many years they never really cared (and that they do now makes me deeply happy). I have grown to be a woman that has wonderful, good people that love and care for her. And for that I am very grateful.

Living in three countries spread over two continents means that I will never get to have all the people I love around for the anniversary of my birth (or for the celebration of me still being alive, which is how someone that has been sick like I have looks at her birthday). However, when I blow out my candles in a few days I will carry all of them with me, along with the wonderful certainty that I am not alone in this big, blue world.